Insomniac
by TabbyCat33098
Summary: Light watches as L has a troubling dream. Could this dream be the reason behind L's withdrawal? Slightly AU, but mostly canon. Set during the time when Light and L are handcuffed together.


A/N v.3: The first A/N for this was something like 1000 words long. Idek. Thanks to my unofficial betas for this, Chibi-sensei and my best friend Roy. They were both a giant help. This is set sometime during the time when L and Light were handcuffed together. It's mostly canon with a small portion of AU. Reviews are great, as always, although this one doesn't really need them anymore, haha. I reply to everyone except anons. Happy reading! :)

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own it.**

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><p><strong>Insomniac<strong>

Light watched as L's breathing settled into the deep rhythms of sleep. He had finally convinced the overworked detective to stop working for a few hours and lay down to get some rest. Because they were handcuffed together, Light was able to make sure that L did indeed lay down and didn't pull out some mini laptop or something that he had hidden in the room somewhere for occasions such as this one.

Initially, Light had worried he was reading L's fatigue wrong, that the detective wasn't really tired and was instead setting some sort of complicated trap where Light admitted he was Kira. But now he was sure that he had made the right decision. L never slept for more than a few hours every two weeks or so. The fact that he was sleeping now was proof that he was working too hard to catch Kira.

Light watched as the raven detective tossed and turned a little, presumably trying to find a more comfortable position. He turned to his side and curled up in the fetal position before settling down again. Light felt a small smile tug at his lips and rested his head back against the headboard. The detective looked so vulnerable like that; it was so endearing.

That was when he heard the first whimper. He looked over at L and saw his face contort with pain. The detective whined and moaned and thrashed around, almost catching Light with his flailing limbs several times. Light pulled the raven's head in his lap and softly stroked his hair, hoping the gesture would calm L down. To Light's surprise, L immediately quieted down and leaned into the touch.

Seeing L sleeping so calmly, Light allowed his thoughts to wander. As seem to happen more and more often these days, Light's thoughts landed on L. The detective seems like he was a shell of a former being, a being that emerged only on the rarest of occasions. He was so withdrawn, never allowing his emotions to shine through his mask, no matter how deep one probed. He calmly analyzed every little piece of information, imaginary or otherwise, in that annoying monotone he had. He had so many quirks that just radiated insecurity, yet Light had never seen someone who acted so confident. The detective acted like he had rarely seen love or affection, if ever. What had happened to effectively turn the raven into the living dead? What could possibly have been so traumatic that the only way L could cope was to withdraw into himself? Light looked at the detective, and a challenge settled in his mind. He would find out what was bothering L so much, if it was the last thing he'd do.

Coincidentally, that was about the time L started whimpering again.

- _In L's mind_-

_It was dark. The rain fell in torrents. Lightning flashed across the sky and thunder crashed down like Thor's mighty hammer. Five year old L Lawliet cuddled with his mother in her bed, hiding his head in her arm to block out the storm._

_Suddenly, mother and son heard someone pound on the front door. L felt his mother stiffen, and her face lost what little color it had. "They've come for me," she whispered with wide eyes, before turning to L. "Quick! L, go hide in the closet! Get to the back and pull some coats over yourself! Go, now!" Just as L started to crawl out of the bed, his mother grabbed his chin and pulled it up, forcing his eyes to meet hers. " And remember, my Lawli-pop," she whispered. " I'll always love you. "_

_Galvanized into action, L ran into the closet and crawled to the back. He yanked down several huge coats and nestled his tiny frame into his makeshift cocoon. By wiggling some of the coats around, he was able to listen to the events occurring outside._

"_No, please!" he heard his mother beg. "Don't! I'll do anything, just please don't hurt him!"_

_L heard a raspy chuckle. "He said you would say that. Tell me woman, would you trade your life for his? Would you die in his place?"_

"_Yes, please! Take me instead, just don't hurt him, he's only a child!"_

_L heard the man chuckle again. "He said you'd say that, too. He seems to know you pretty well, eh?"_

_L's mother scoffed bitterly. "Of course he does, we were married for almost a decade."_

"_Of course, you'll both die anyways, you know. But he felt it would be amusing to dangle a false hope in front of you and then snatch it away. And he's right, it is amusing." Again, that horrible chuckle. "But he doesn't want any loose ends, and your precious little baby is exactly that—a loose end."_

"_He was a baby, he doesn't remember anything! Please, I beg of you, don't hurt him!" L's mother pleaded._

_There was a sigh, then a resounding _thwap!_, followed immediately by a cry of pain. L's eyes widened. That horrible excuse of a human being had just slapped his mother, the sweetest person L knew, for no apparent reason._

"_I grow tired of this, woman. But don't worry. You'll see him soon. After you've seen the Gates of Heaven. Or Hell, wherever it is you're going. Prepare to meet your maker!" There was a pause, and then a laugh that was somehow even worse than the chuckle. "I've always wanted to say that." There was a _click_, a pause, and a resounding gunshot, followed by an even louder scream of pain. "Dammit, missed," muttered the assassin, and a second gunshot followed close after. The scream cut off abruptly. Tears leaked out of L's eyes when he realized what had just happened._

_The man performed a perfunctory check of the hovel L and his mother had lived in, usually just stepping into a room and taking a quick glance around from the doorway, often skipping room altogether. Eventually, he ended back up in the kitchen. Picking back up his gun, he said to no one in particular, "What's the point of actually searching for the kid? Like she said, he's just a kid, he can't remember anything. I'll just tell the boss I killed him, it's not like he'll ever know." And a second later, the front door slammed shut._

_L waited a few seconds before crawling out of the closet. He slowly walked towards his mother and gasped when he found her. She had fallen to the floor, and was lying in a pool of her own blood. Her hair was splayed almost angelically around her face, and but for the blood around her, she almost could have been sleeping. But L saw the wounds that had killed his mother: one just above the heart and one through it._

_L stared in horror, then pushed away the reason that told him his mother was dead, instead opting to believe that this was all just some sort of game, that his mother would jump up in a second and scold him gently for worrying before spinning him in a circle and giving him ice-cream. "Mommy?" he asked furtively, when she didn't wake up of her own accord. "Mommy! MOMMY!"_

-_End_-

Light was worried. He had been trying to calm L for some time, and when that didn't work, he attempted to wake up the raven. But L was too deeply asleep and refused to grace the conscious world with his presence.

Just when Light was about to call in Watari, though, L shouted "MOMMY!" and bolted up. His eyes were wide with fear and he was breathing heavily, as if he had just run a marathon. He chest heaved up and down quickly and his face was covered with sweat. He panicked when he found himself in Light's arms before calming down just as quickly when he recognized the brunette. Within seconds, the mask slammed firmly down on his face, and he was once again the detective that the rest of the world knew, not the scared child he had been just two minutes previously. He opened his mouth to say something, but Light beat him to the punch.

"What the hell was that?" he demanded, indulging himself with the swear word. "L, do you have any idea how worried I was? You just started thrashing about and whining and whimpering and you just wouldn't wake up! I sear, I was just about to call Watari when you woke up!"

"I appreciate Light-kun's concern, and I apologize for inconveniencing him. However, he has no cause to worry as I am perfectly okay," L said in his usual monotone.

Light sputtered. "No! No, you're not perfectly okay! You were acting like a freakin' five year old, L! And the fact that you've 'inconvenienced me' is beside the point!" Light paused before he literally exploded, taking some time to get his emotions in check. He decided to employ another tactic. If L had dreamed about the even that had forced him to shut down—and Light was almost positive that he had—it might help the detective to talk about it with someone. "What were you dreaming about?" Light asked gently. "I-I want to help."

Although there was only half a second of hesitation before L said, "I do not remember," Light caught it. He clenched his fists in frustration.

"You're lying. You're lying, L, and we both know it. Please L, I only want to help!" he requested, not begged, because Light never begged.

L hesitated again before coming to a decision. "Alright. But nothing I say can leave this room. Understood?" Light nodded agreement, and L continued.

"My mother was an amazing woman. She was strong, beautiful, caring, compassionate, and full of virtue. My father, however, was not. How they ever fell in love I shall never know. But they say love is blind, and this is obviously a prime example. Either way, the two got married, and four years later, had me.

"My father, as I later learned, was a murderer. He went by the alias Beyond Birthday, though what his real name was, I'll never know. My mother changed both her surname as well as mine when she left him, not wanting any reminder of that terrible man. You'll not be getting my name that easily, Kira," he remarked lightly.

Light just sighed. "How many times do I have to tell you, I'm not Kira! But that's not the point, go on," he continued, cutting off L's figures and percentages.

"Very well, as I was saying, my father was a murderer. He committed his murders in the dead of night so as not to disturb my mother. However, my mother was a sharp woman, and soon noticed him leaving every night and coming back before dawn. Suspecting he was having an affair, she followed him one night. Not wanting to leave me alone she took me with her. Imagine her surprise when instead of finding Beyond Birthday with another woman, my mother became the witness to a murder.

"Of course, my father knew that we were following him. He told my mother just as much. Realizing the danger, she fled, taking me with her and pausing only to grab a few things from my home.

"For the next three years, we traveled from city to city, my mother finding odd jobs here and there. Somehow, we managed to survive. After three years, we thought we might finally have shaken off Beyond. But no such luck. He found us almost immediately and sent an assassin after us. In fact, I suspect Beyond had had someone trailing us all those years, only one step behind, forced to stop in every city to learn our whereabouts, giving us just enough time to flee. But when we settled down, the assassin had ample time to find us, plan, and act.

"One night, the assassin quite literally knocked on our door. My mother knew instinctively that this wasn't an idle visitor. Luckily she was able to tell me to hide, and so I survived. But she was not so luckily. That was the night I dreamed of.

"When I grew up, I devoted myself to finding the bastard who killed my mother. After some time," L continued, ignoring Light's gasp at the swear word, "I was finally able to bring him to justice. That man was able to lead me to Beyond, and though I was not able to prove he orchestrated the murder of my mother, I was later able to prosecute him for what has become known as the Los Angeles BB Murders. And so I brought him to justice.

"That is my story, Light-kun. I do hope you have enjoyed."

Light's eyes were wide with sympathy. "Oh, L…." he murmured, overcome with sadness and feeling uncharacteristically tender.

L got off the bed and tugged on the cuffs. "Come, Light-kun. We are wasting valuable time that could be used to catch Kira. And remember—"

"What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas," Light finished, using an American expression he had learned in college. He laughed at the puzzled expression on L's face. "Don't worry, my lips are sealed, " he assured the detective, and followed him out the door.

**FIN**


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